| "A crucifix? Oy vey, have you got the wrong vampire!" |
| "Ahem," said the Dragon, killing the party. |
| "And the mage draws her two handed sword." "We're in trouble." |
| "Bother," said Pooh, as Cthulhu rose up and ate him. |
| "Bother," said Pooh, as Dracula enfolded him in his cape. |
| "Bother," said Pooh, as he failed another melee combat roll. |
| "Bother," said Pooh, as he had no reflection in the mirror. |
| "Ding dong, the Lich is dead." "Of COURSE it's DEAD!" |
| "Hi! I'm a Nameless Horror, but you can call me Fred!" |
| "I'd rather be eaten by a dragon." "That can be arranged." |
| "If that bard starts singing `100 Bottles of Beer' again..." |
| "Natural 20!" - Player "Miss!" - DM "Uh oh..." - Player |
| "Never trust anything you can eat." - Old dragon proverb |
| "Of course I'm a wizard, son. I've got a tall pointy hat!" |
| "What're you going to do," laughed the dragon, "arrest me for smoking?" |
| #1 D&D Rule: Never insult the person who holds the dice. |
| (A)bort, (R)etry, (B)anish it? |
| (A)bort, (R)etry, (B)lame a Tinker Gnome? |
| (A)bort, (R)etry, (C)ast Disintegrate? |
| (A)bort, (R)etry, (D)ragonflame it? |
| (A)bort, (R)etry, (H)it With Vorpal Sword? |
| (A)bort, (R)etry, (S)end into Wildspace? |
| (A)bort, (R)etry, (S)ummon Elminster? |
| *Munchkins* cast Control Cthulhu. |
| 1st Rule of GMing... IF THEY SPLIT UP, GIGGLE INSANELY! |
| A Red Dragon? I pull out my Wand of Marshmallows. |
| A fight to the death with a vampire has a few inherent problems.... |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "+25 to hit, +30 damage? YOU GO FIRST!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "...and you're UGLY, too!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "12 Death Knights? I close the door..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "A 25th level mage/cleric? I pinch her butt!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "A lich, huh? No problem; I steal his spellbook." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Am I seeing things or is that a dragon?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "At least, lightning never strikes twice..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Aw... isn't that the cutest little Snarf Beast?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Beholder--beschmolder Let me at it!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Brak? That's a stupid name for a barbarian." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "But it's ONLY an Eye Tyrant..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "But it's only a LITTLE red dragon." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "C'MON GUYS! LET'S SHOW HER WHO'S BOSS!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "C'mon DM, let's see some REAL monsters!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Can I have a succubus for a familiar?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Can my sword talk to your axe?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Dammit, this thing won't die!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Damn, Tiamat - you're one UGLY dragon..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Did I REALLY???" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Don't worry - it doesn't bite..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Don't worry, I can handle it." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Don't worry, it doesn't eat meat..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Dragon HORDE? I thought y'said Dragon HOARD!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Dragon? What dragon?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Forget Demigorgon - I want that gold..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Forget picking the lock, just kick the door down!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Glad that's over. I'm taking off my armor." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Go ahead! I dare you!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Ha! I NEVER pay income tax!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Have I ever let you down before?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Heck, I could beat Elminster ANYDAY!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Here, let me show you." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Hey, Cthulhu! Eat me!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Hey, Dragon - got a light?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Hey, I know a dragon when I see one." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "How many hit points do I have? Let me check." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I bet it's an illusion." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I didn't think ANYTHING did 40-400 hp damage." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I disarmed the trap." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I don't see any archers..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I drank WHAT?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I found the TRAAAAaaaaaaaapppp!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I go up to the Lich and try to pick his pocket." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I got bit by a *what*?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I know that's an illusionary dragon!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I lit the emergency candle. Why is it hissing?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I missed with a natural 20?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I never heard of a 'sword of party slaying.'" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I pay my taxes in copper pieces..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I snap the staff in two..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I think it's dead..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I think the dragon's asleep..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I thought YOU silenced the guard!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I wait until I can see its eyes..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I want to challenge my god to a duel..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "I'm not afraid..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "It's dangerous, but think of the XP's!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "It's not poisonous..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "It's perfectly safe. Let me show you..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Let's not worry about that now..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Lets goose that sleeping dragon!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Lolth, Schmolth - get Ms. Ugly outa my way!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Lookit that li'l bunny sittin' on the stump" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Magic users are WIMPS!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Make me! I dare you..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Mongols? I don' see no Mo-" <THWEEEeeeCHUNK> |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "NOTHING does 20-200 points of damage!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Naw - it's just sleeping..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "No one ever died from it..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "No true wizard ever breaks his word." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Nope. No trap on THIS chest..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Nothing can penetrate this armor!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Nothing ever happens on the first level." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Of course I searched for traps." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Oh Shit!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Oh man, this is a WUSSY dungeon!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Oh, don't be so paranoid..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "One skeleton? No problem..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Oooops..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Ow! Where have I put my vorpal sword?!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Relax. Nothing ever happens at first level." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Right, and I'm the Prince of Thieves..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "So what good is a ring of Cthulhu control?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Stand back you wimps - *I* will kill it!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "That could never happen here" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "That's its 43rd attack, can I draw my sword now?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "That's not a Beholder. It's a Spectator..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "That's one HELL of a tan, Miss Glasya..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "The DM won't let us die!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "The DM's an idiot." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Then we just clip this little wire here..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "They're JUST kobolds. What're you scared of?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "This dungeon is a pushover." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "This is an *easy* dungeon." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "This is the safe way to do it..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "This looks like a safe place to camp." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "This should be easy" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "This trap is too simple." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Those Orcs couldn't hit an elephant at thi-" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Trolls are wimps! Nyah, nyah, nyah!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Trolls regenerate?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Trust me! I'm an expert!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Was I the only one who heard that click?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Watch me goose that sleeping dragon!" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "We hire Orcus to be our guide " |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "We really didn't need a Cleric anyway." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "We should have become farmers..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Well, I think that's the last of them..." |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "What do you mean I hit with negative damage?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "What pit?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "What's a 'pantheon', and why is it mad at me?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "What's the worse that town can do? Lynch us?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Where'd that arrow come from?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "Why is the DM laughing?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "You and what army?" |
| AD&D Famous Last Words: "You saw a WHAT around the corner?" |
| AD&D Mistake #01: Insulting anything twice your size |
| AD&D Mistake #04: Keeping your magical items within reach of children |
| AD&D Mistake #08: Giving your DM a 1d100 when he rolls to-hit |
| AD&D Mistake #10: Scratching your back with a dagger of venom |
| AD&D Mistake #15: Thinking that THAC0 is Mexican cuisine |
| AD&D Mistake #29: Vandalizing the wizard's guild |
| AD&D Mistake #30: Torturing a deity's favorite cleric |
| AD&D Mistake #31: Grabbing the DM's bag of chips |
| AD&D Mistake #41: Teaching a barbarian how to cast lightning bolts |
| AD&D Mistake #42: Being knighted with a Sword of Life Stealing |
| AD&D Mistake #43: Lifting up the veil at a Medusa wedding |
| AD&D Mistake #44: Breaking into a strange tower surrounded by mist |
| AD&D Mistake #50: Assuming anything |
| AD&D Mistake #51: Forgetting to chip into the DM's pizza fund |
| AD&D Mistake #52: Going to the bathroom during a battle |
| AD&D Mistake #59: Looking for the beauty in the eye of a beholder |
| AD&D Mistake #70: Taking sleep-therapy classes from a vampire |
| AD&D Quote: "That's okay, the spikes broke his fall." |
| AD&D Quote: "I want a dragon as a familiar." |
| Aluminum Dragons also do 3d6 of krinkle damage. |
| And so he road into battle, bearing the standard of confusion. |
| Asking a male Red Dragon, "Hey pal, got a light..." isn't a good idea |
| Attacked by Giant Lemmings - take 6d6 laughing damage. |
| Bad DM!: "Flaming Plasma Death" is a spell? |
| Bad DM!: "Spontaneous Decompression" is a spell? |
| Bad DM!: "What do you mean the devil ate my soul? |
| Bad DM!: A *PACK* of tarrasques?!? |
| Bad DM!: A whole village of drow living in Evermeet... riiiight... |
| Bad DM!: All of the kobolds hit us, even with -5 AC *EACH*? |
| Bad DM!: Are we all being disintergrated, or is it just me? |
| Bad DM!: Aren't Radiant Dragons only found in SPACE? |
| Bad DM!: But I'm already *DEAD*! |
| Bad DM!: But the A-bomb hasn't been invented yet! |
| Bad DM!: Can we PUH-LEASE use store bought modules from now on? |
| Bad DM!: Each of the kobolds has a 'Wand of Orcus'?!? |
| Bad DM!: Enemy mages get no upper limit to their fireballs? |
| Bad DM!: Gee, thanx. As if having two arms was challenging enough! |
| Bad DM!: He has a magic resistance of *WHAT*?! |
| Bad DM!: He hits, and... I'm gonna need some more dice! |
| Bad DM!: Hey! You're hogging the chips... What do you mean "I DIE??!?" |
| Bad DM!: How come that fireball only affects us and not the kobolds? |
| Bad DM!: How did BattleMechs get into this dungeon? |
| Bad DM!: How the hell's a GARGANTUA pursuing us in a 10' wide corridor? |
| Bad DM!: I didn't even know Zeus was mad at me. |
| Bad DM!: I didn't think *ANYTHING* did 40-400 points of damage... |
| Bad DM!: I don't think railguns have been invented yet. |
| Bad DM!: I missed with a natural 20? |
| Bad DM!: I need *WHAT* for a spell component?!?! |
| Bad DM!: I never heard of a 'sword of party member slaying.' |
| Bad DM!: I think a mace is a handheld weapon, not a spray... |
| Bad DM!: I thought orcs had only 1 hit die? |
| Bad DM!: I was not aware that spells had a chance to backfire. |
| Bad DM!: Just how many 30th level wizards are there in this village? |
| Bad DM!: No seriously, how much damage did I take? |
| Bad DM!: Not another god to fight! |
| Bad DM!: Swords and daggers are the only weapons available?! |
| Bad DM!: That's its 43rd attack, can we draw our swords now? |
| Bad DM!: That's okay, the spikes broke his fall. |
| Bad DM!: That's one tough kobold... |
| Bad DM!: Tinker gnomes invented Uzis? |
| Bad DM!: Until now, I didn't know arch-devils travelled in groups. |
| Bad DM!: WHAT? A RIFTS Conversion book? This is AD&D!!! |
| Bad DM!: We should have become farmers. |
| Bad DM!: We were surprised by a 55' dinosaur hiding in an empty field. |
| Bad DM!: What do you mean, "Bend over if I want the magic sword"?? |
| Bad DM!: You don't use saving throws? |
| Bad DM!: You're rolling *10D20* for random encounters!? |
| Beware of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup! |
| Blood detected. Run VAMPIRE.BAT? (Y/N) |
| Cry, "Shhhh!" and slip quietly out the Dragon's door... |
| DM Advice: Used character sheets make good tinder. |
| Death is merely a chance to roll a new character. |
| Do not anger a Bard, for you are silly and would make a funny song. |
| Dragons again? I activate my +6 St. George Surface-to-Air Missile. |
| Dragons aren't extinct, they've just learned to hide in books. |
| Dragons make great pets. Just put down LOTS of newspaper. |
| Dragonslayer needed. No experience expected. |
| Ever wonder how Mages learn Power Word Kill? |
| Everything I Needed To Know, I Learned on Dungeon Level 0. |
| I found an immortality spell with a lifetime guarantee! |
| I laugh in the face of danger! Then I hide until it goes away. |
| In gaming theory, life's a die, and then you bitch. |
| It is unwise to meddle in the affairs of wizards. |
| It's only 1,000 pts of Damage. It's not like it's going to kill you. |
| Jesus saves - Moses invests - Cthulhu squanders |
| Mages don't kill people! SPELLS kill people! |
| Meddle not in the affairs of dragons. |
| Monsters sleep because you are boring, not because they ever get tired. |
| Naughty dragon! You spank him!!!!! |
| Never play freeze tag with a White Dragon! |
| Never trust a barmaid that smiles through 5 o'clock shadow. |
| Never trust a smiling DM. |
| Never trust a smiling bard dating your only daughter. |
| Never trust a smiling crone holding a philter of love. |
| Never trust a smiling dragon picking its teeth with a two-handed sword. |
| Never trust a smiling succubus holding a pot of lip rouge. |
| Never trust a smiling thief throwing dice. |
| Never trust a smiling tinker gnome in a chastity belt store. |
| No one likes a beast with an attitude... or a dragon with a chest-cold. |
| Oxymoron: A vampire named Dawn. |
| PC AD&D: Chaotic Evil characters are now "moral relativists." |
| PC AD&D: Cursed is now "displaying a non-beneficial magical aura." |
| PC AD&D: NPC's - henceforth referred to as "free-will impaired." |
| PC AD&D: NPC's - henceforth referred to as "persons of limited destiny." |
| PC AD&D: Peasants are now "people of limited resources." |
| PC AD&D: Thieves are now "agents of economic redistribution." |
| PC AD&D: Trap doors are now "artifically-induced unstable floors." |
| PC AD&D: Treasure is now "exploitation of the previously conquered." |
| Remember, sometimes the dragon wins. |
| Sometimes, the best magic wand is a 2X4, well wielded... |
| Speak softly and carry the Staff of the Archmage. |
| The DragonKill War is named for what the dragons DID! |
| The Dyslexic Bard: Master-of-all-trades, jack of none. |
| The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon. |
| Vampire Error: (A)vert, (R)eflect, (I)mpale? |
| When in doubt, FIREBALL! |